


i've been yours for years

by originalPseudonym



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Coming Out, F/F, Humanstuck, POV Second Person, and pining without really realizing shes pining, ft. vriska lamenting her life, mentions of a lot of other characters that arent present enough to justify tagging, this really ran away from me tbh, vriska is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-13 17:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5710252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/originalPseudonym/pseuds/originalPseudonym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vriska struggles with not-yet-identifiable gay feelings for her childhood best friend, who now happens to live hundreds of miles away from her. Neither of them really knows what they're doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You meet Terezi on the playground after she punches a kid square in the nose when he tries to pull her down from the jungle gym. It’s pretty much the best thing you’ve ever seen, hands down.

Terezi, triumphant, sits at the top of her newly secured throne. The kid is crying, and Terezi is no doubt taking the time to enjoy her victory before the teacher comes and snatches it away. 

You race past the crying kid and jump on the jungle gym yourself. And if you accidentally kick some of the playground bark on the kid in the process – well. It was an accident. Plus, the kid’s a dick. Who the hell tries to pull a blind girl off the jungle gym?

There’s not much room on the top of the bars, but you’re both still short and skinny, so you do alright. Terezi regards you as carefully as a six-year-old can manage.

“Hello,” she says, and you grin.

You find out that she lives in your neighborhood, and you’re having a sleepover by the end of the week.

* * *

You and Terezi almost kill each other on five separate occasions, but miraculously, you’re both still alive – and friends – by the time the two of you reach adulthood. You’re best friends, actually, which would be a lot more surprising if you both weren’t so great and awesome.

What’s not so great is Terezi’s boyfriend, who prevents you from living with Terezi during her first year of college (that, and you live really far away from her). Her boyfriend also cries a lot, from what Terezi tells you over the phone. And, from what you’ve deduced, he’s a total loser.

It’s not that you’re bitter about Terezi living with him, instead of someone cooler and less fucking irritating, like you. It’s her loss! What you’re bitter about is Terezi moving halfway across the country so she can go to some stupid, world-renowned university on a prelaw track while you are an honest-to-fucking-God cashier at a department store.

That’s what you’re bitter about – your life’s not really panning out the way that you thought it would.

It’s okay, you guess, because greatness takes time to achieve. Or whatever. But it just sucks when Terezi’s out there, living her goddamn dream. With her goddamn whiny boyfriend.

You’re heading back to your apartment on a Friday when you get a call from her. You almost don’t answer, because you’re close to broke and the last thing you need is a ticket from that asshole cop who patrols your neighborhood.

But you usually Skype her once a week and she doesn’t otherwise call you on Fridays. So you pick up the phone, pressing it to your ear with one hand and keeping your other on the steering wheel. Some idiot broke your glasses the other day (after you dropped them on the ground, but that’s beside the point), and you have to squint to see the road clearly.

“Hey, Pyrope,” you say, “Better make this quick. I’m probably going to die if I keep driving like this.”

“I ended things with Karkat,” she says, without any buildup. You nearly swerve off the road.

You’re a little happy, if you’re being honest. You hated that kid. Because he cried, and shit. No other reason.

“Vantas?” you say gruffly, because you can’t really tell how she’s feeling about it. “About time. What–”

“Tipped the scales?” she prompts, cutting you off. You let your shoulders fall slightly in relief, because if Terezi’s making stupid law puns, you know that things can’t be too bad.

“Yeah, sure,” you huff.

You can imagine Terezi shrugging on the other end of the line. “He freaked out on me for hanging out with Dave again,” she says. “I said that I was tired of him trying to micromanage me. He said he’d have his stuff out of the apartment by next week.”

You frown. “That’s it?”

“Not all breakups end with someone in the hospital, Vriska,” she says.

“There has to be more."

Terezi cackles right into your ear, and you jerk the phone away while you turn the corner. You don’t really feel like going deaf. It’d probably make your friendship with Terezi even more ridiculous.

“I did tell him that - if he was really so _jealous_ of me hanging out with Dave - I could set them up on a date,” Terezi admits. You bark out a laugh.

“My thoughts exactly!" she says. "See, this is why you’re better than him. Karkat didn’t think it was funny _at all_.”

Your insides twist strangely after hearing that, like some kind of panic, but that may just be because you almost hit a man on a bicycle.

“That’s because Karkat is a whiny loser,” you say, once you’re no longer in danger of committing vehicular manslaughter.

“Vriska!” she says, chiding you – which is dumb, because she’s the one that just broke up with the guy. “You are the whiniest person I know.”

“Tell me how you really feel, Pyrope,” you say. And, before she can mock you further or carry out whatever other torture she has planned out for you, you say, “I have to go talk to some friends that actually appreciate me.”

“I am literally your only friend–”

You hang up on her, because she deserves it.

* * *

You miss your Skype call with Terezi the next week because she has some bullshit social to go to, but she’s right there in her computer chair the week after that, smiling like a crazy person. She’ll always say that _you’re_ the one to insist on the calls – because it’s not like video chat makes much of a difference to her – but she’s definitely always the most excited about them. On the surface, at least.

It’s not like you mind them or anything. You like to make fun of whatever shirt she’s chosen to wear for the day, and it’s not bad seeing her.

(Okay, you’ll admit it – you like seeing her. She’s your best friend, always has been your best friend, and lives really far away from you. It fucking sucks).

“You’re quiet today,” she says, and you can hear the frown in her voice as much as you can see it.

You shrug, picking at your ratty t-shirt. “I’m just thinking.”

“That’s never good,” she jokes, but she looks a little serious when she asks, “What are you thinking about?”

You know she expects a sincere answer, which is exactly why you don’t give her one. “I’m just thinking about how bored I’m going to be this weekend."

She generously ignores your obvious lie, and you know you probably won’t be so lucky the next time. “What about John?” she asks. You reach for the beer on your cluttered desk.

“John?” you question, as if you have no idea what she’s talking about. This is definitely not a conversation you want to be having right now – you were hoping that you’d have a little time to think. “What about him?”

Terezi sighs at you, like you’re a lost cause. Which probably isn't that far off.

“I thought you said he’s cool,” she says.

“Yeah, he is.”

She scoffs. “What did you do?” she asks. You start to protest at that, but she only shushes you. “Seriously, Vriska. What happened?”

“Nothing,” you admit. You’re not sure if she’ll believe you, because your voice definitely isn’t without some resentfulness. “I just decided that I don’t like him.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Just like that?”

“Man, I couldn’t explain it!” you start. You accidentally slosh beer on yourself, but you really don't care about that right now. “At first I thought it was just because the only guys I’d dated were Tavros and Eridan. I thought that since John actually has a spine and isn’t a total fucker, it’d be fun this time.”

“But?” she prompts, and you hesitate.

You don’t know why you’re so nervous about this. It’s Terezi, for fuck’s sake. You put down the beer bottle so you don’t do anything stupid, like completely spill it all over yourself.

“Vriska!” she singsongs in that weird, grating voice of hers. 

You don’t really know how to go about it, so you just kind of say, “I’m gay.”

There’s a stretch of silence in which you just stare at the grainy video of Terezi while she not-really stares at you back.

Eventually she asks, “Like…how gay?”

“Totally gay,” you say. "Lesbian gay." You honestly kind of want to unplug your computer and never talk to Terezi again, but it’s not the first time that urge has struck you. “If you could say something, that would be great.”

She lets out a laugh. That kind of reaction might’ve been concerning if it had come from anyone else, but you’ve never been more relieved to hear it.

“Sorry!” she says, and your relief immediately dissipates, because she sounds absolutely delighted for some fucking reason. “I’m just taking time to process it. That might explain your shitty relationship history.”

“My shitty relationship history is not my fault!” you say, because it isn’t. Implying otherwise is just insulting.

Terezi doesn’t waste time in telling you how wrong you are, but you can’t stop smiling.

You’re really glad that she can’t see you.

* * *

Okay, forget what you said about greatness taking time. You don’t give a shit about that. You deserve greatness now, and instead you’re helping some batshit lady find a dress that probably doesn’t even exist. She has a picture of it printed off on copy paper, but you have no reason to believe that it’s anywhere in your store. She seems pretty certain that it is, though, and she asks to talk to your manager after the third time she catches you ignoring her rant about her daughter – the dress is for her, apparently.

Which is just great. Fantastic. Exactly what you needed.

While you wait for your manager to come yell at you, you spend the time thinking about how much your life sucks. It’s become your favorite past time.

You have three tolerable coworkers which might pass as friends on a good day, but you haven’t gone out with them in months. And it's been even longer since you've seen Terezi, which is just the icing on the cake. You have no plans for the weekend. Again. It’s just great.

And by great, you mean horrible. You don’t deserve this.

You see your manager’s angry face over the clothing racks, and you brace yourself for whatever stupid shit’s about to come.

* * *

“I think there’s something else you’re not telling me, Serket!”

So, as it turns out, Terezi’s offhand promise to stop grilling you about your sexuality doesn’t extend to any other area of your life.

“Well,” you say, “You’re wrong.” You entertain the idea of hanging up on her, because you really don’t need to deal with this shit right now.

“Lies,” she says. You’re not getting away with that one, apparently. “Your deceit is obvious and it reeks!”

“You are so fucking weird,” you mutter.

“Yes,” she says. “Now tell me.”

“I think I’m going to lose my job.”

“Good,” she says, almost immediately. “You hate it there.”

“No,” you bite out, “Not good. I need the money.”

There’s a pause. “What are you going to do, then?”

“I don’t know. They already cut my hours, and my manager hates me.”

“That’s quitters talk!” she tells you. “You won’t lose your job.”

“I sure hope so,” you say, rubbing your face. You’re angry, and the obvious vulnerability in your voice only serves to make you angrier.

“If you wanted, you could move out here,” she says quietly, after another pause. “I need a new roommate.”

Something constricts in your chest, which probably isn't healthy. "If I lose my job," you say, "I might have to."

“You won’t lose your job,” she says.

* * *

 You lose your job.

“Come live with me,” Terezi says to you over the phone again. You look around at your apartment. It looks almost foreign to you, despite the fact that it’s covered in all your shit.

“Alright,” you say.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for (relatively brief) content regarding an abusive relationship, just in case.

It’s been two months since you moved in with Terezi.

Living with her is not nearly as easy as you thought it was going to be, but you managed to find a job and things aren’t too bad. They’re not that great either, because you’re living in a city that you barely know.

Terezi has been doing her best to show you around, but she doesn’t know the city very well herself. It doesn’t help that she’s blind, and you remind her of this at least once a day. Not because you’re mean or anything – if it actually bothered her, she would’ve ended your friendship a long time ago.

When summer break started, you expected her to go home. She had no reason not to – but she was only gone for a week before she came back. You decided not to question it, because you enjoy having her around, even though living with her is a giant pain in the ass.

Speaking of Terezi being a giant pain in the ass, she seems to be in the mood to exercise that particular trait of hers. You’re dicking around on the computer when Terezi wanders into your room, rifling through your closet without a word. You don’t even spare a glance her way.

“There’s so much flannel in here,” Terezi groans. “Did you throw out the rest of your wardrobe when you decided you were gay?”

You’re still facing away from her, but it’s not like she was going to see your exaggerated eye roll anyway. “Okay, first of all, you can’t _even_ see them,” you say, turning around to look at her. “Second–” 

So, as it turns out, looking at Terezi was a mistake. She has one of your flannels on – how she managed to pick out one of the two red articles of clothing that you actually own, you have no idea, but that is definitely not the point.

Terezi has worn your clothes before, you think. You don’t think, however, that it’s ever affected you quite as much.

The shirt is ridiculously long on her. Despite that, and despite the fact that it’s literally just a shirt – and your own goddamn shirt, at that – your cheeks fill with heat almost immediately.

“This is comfortable,” she observes, but she’s already sliding it off as she speaks.

“Wait!” you call, and you startle as much as she does.

You keep going before you can think better of it. “It – uh. It looks good on you.”

Terezi’s eyebrows do all kinds of crazy things right then that make you roll your eyes. When she takes off the shirt and throws it at your face, you flail.

“Thank you, Vriska,” she drawls, just short of mocking you. “I’d keep wearing it, but it’s way too hot in here!”

She’s right, but that doesn’t mean you have to like it.

* * *

You can’t pinpoint the moment you realized that your best friend is kind of really attractive, but once you’ve noticed, you can’t _stop_ noticing. It’s pretty much the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.

She really shouldn’t be as attractive to you as she is. You’ve known her forever – you’ve seen her go through the most awkward stages of her life. And even now, with her exaggerated expressions and piranha smile, she should look downright terrifying.

You get home from work one day to find her reaching up on her toes to grab the box of cookies that you stashed on top of the fridge. You put it there specifically so she wouldn’t find it, but you’re not worried about that now. You’re too busy staring at the small sliver of skin that’s exposed when Terezi’s shirt rides up.

Terezi manages to grasp her target, and the sound of her heels hitting the tile has you snapping out of your trance with a flustered cough.

She jumps a little bit and whirls around. You’d find it funny that you were able to sneak up on her under most other circumstances, but you mostly just feel guilty for staring at her like a creep.

“Hi,” you say awkwardly, and she frowns suspiciously in your direction. You frown back at her, because you don’t know what she has to be suspicious about – but then you realize that you haven’t made a big deal about her stealing your cookies yet.

“I see you found my hiding spot,” you say, trying to put some kind of inflection in your voice. It only sounds stilted.

She neglects to respond to your comment. “Are you alright?” she asks you instead, and you shift on your feet.

“Yeah,” you respond. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Terezi tilts her head at you. “Cool,” you say, laughing a little. You don’t really know what else to add, so you get the hell out of there. The last thing you need is Terezi finding out that you think she’s hot. You’d never hear the end of it. 

* * *

Terezi lives in a college town. And when the semester begins, college students begin returning to said college town. Which is terrible, because you’re not really big on people, but it also means something else: college girls.

You meet quite a few while you’re working. Your job as a barista isn’t very glamorous, but at least it’s good for that.

One of the girls you meet is named Kanaya, and you manage to ask her out on a date without making a complete fool of yourself.

You don’t take her anywhere fancy. You have enough money to take her to a movie – it’s about vampires and it’s garbage, but the movie itself isn’t the point anyway. You grab her hand halfway through, and you can see her smile.

Afterward, you go out for pizza. She eats kind of like a bird, which is a little funny, but you have enough of a mind not to say anything.

“Yeah,” you’re telling her in between bites, “We’ve been friends forever.”

She takes a sip of her soda. “How long have you two been roommates?” she asks.

You shrug. “A few months, technically. But we practically lived together when we were in high school. We were always over at each other’s houses.”

“You two sound close,” she observes, and if she’s trying to imply something, it goes right over your head.

“Oh, yeah,” you say, grinning. “The closest. She’s awesome.”

“My old roommate was a little less than awesome,” Kanaya says. “I don’t think she knew how to do her own laundry. Or how to take out the trash.”

“That sucks. Terezi doesn’t clean that much either,” you say. “But she’s blind, so it’s probably okay.”

Kanaya nods and then starts talking about school. You can’t really relate, so you tell her about what Terezi’s been doing.

The date goes okay, overall, and you go on another soon after that.

Terezi doesn’t like Kanaya very much, but she’s never even met her. You have no idea what her problem is, because everything she knows about her has come from your descriptions, and it’s not like you’ve been shit-talking Kanaya this whole time. Sometimes she sounds like she eats a thesaurus for breakfast every morning, but you still like her.

Plus, your thoughts about how hot Terezi is stop occurring so frequently and intrusively.

It’s pretty cool.

* * *

Your relationship with Kanaya lasts three weeks.

It’s been a month since she broke up with–

It’s been a month since you two stopped being a couple, and she already has a new girlfriend who’s as stupidly hot as she is. It’s stupid.

“I don’t think either of them are hot, if it makes you feel any better,” Terezi says, and then laughs half a second later, because she’s _fucking blind_.

“Shut the fuck up, Terezi,” you say, and she laughs again.

You don’t care that much, because although Kanaya was cool, it wasn’t like she was the love of your life or anything. Terezi takes you out to dinner anyway, and you try to not to show how happy it makes you feel.

* * *

You’ve never been perfect. You’ve fucked up a lot of things in your life, and Terezi has witnessed almost all of it. In fact, it was Terezi that helped you overcome most of the situations that were caused by your fuckups, even when those fuckups regarded her.

There’s been a lot of minor fuckups too. Even so, you’ve managed to go a good while without being completely terrible.

But, unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.

It's Terezi’s birthday She’s going to be back from class in less than five minutes, and you didn’t get her a present. You wouldn’t be too worried about it, but the last time Terezi forgot to get _you_ a birthday present you wouldn’t shut up about it for three months. And now, as with most things in your miserable life, it’s coming back to bite you in the ass.

You’re desperately searching through all of your shit – trying to find something that you can give her – when you hear her prance her way through the front door. She’s singing some awful top-40 hit, to top it all off.

You come out to meet her, trying to quell your rising anxiety. She takes off her coat and throws it in the closet – you give her a smile, even though she can’t see it.

“Happy birthday,” you say. You start to say something else, but you stop short when you notice the stuffed animal at Terezi’s feet.

“What’s that?” you question, and she seems to know what you’re talking about. She bends down and sweeps the stuffed animal into her arms, grinning like a maniac.

“Dave got it for me,” she says. “His name is Senator Lemonsnout.”

You snort. “He got you a teddy bear?” you ask. “Is he twelve?”

“It’s not a _bear_ ,” she scoffs, like you’ve just insulted her entire family. “Maybe you should wear your glasses.”

You frown, because you’re not wearing your glasses, but you can clearly tell that it’s not a bear. You were just fucking with her.

Terezi looks at you expectantly, and your frown only deepens. You clear your throat before saying, “I’m taking you out to dinner for your birthday.”

You don’t get paid until tomorrow, but you think that you can swing it. It’s probably the lamest thing you’ve ever done for her, but at least it’s something.

“You forgot my birthday!” Terezi realizes, indignant. Your stomach immediately drops, though you don’t know why you expected anything different. She’s always been able to see right through you.

You start to protest weakly, but she waves you off before you can get a word in. “I’m not talking to you right now,” she says, brushing past you and taking the stuffed animal with her.

Great.

“I’m sorry,” you say, following her into the kitchen, and you really are. She spins around, leaning against the countertop.

You face her, resisting the urge to scratch at the back of your neck.

“You need to rectify this immediately,” Terezi tells you gravely. You feel your eye twitch.

“I said that I’d take you out to dinner.”

“You _are_ going to take me out to dinner,” she says, “As an apology for forgetting my birthday. You still need to get me a good present.”

You think about telling her to give you some time, because you already searched your room and came up empty. But then an idea strikes you.

“You can feel my face,” you say, almost excitedly.

Terezi furrows her eyebrows. “Why would I want to feel your face?” she asks.

You flush, and you kind of feel like an idiot. “Don’t blind people like to do that shit?”

She sighs, like _you’re_ the ass in this situation. Which is hilarious.

“I already _have_ felt your face.”

“That was years ago!” you argue, and that has her considering.

Eventually she declares, “Fine! But you’re still taking me out to dinner."

* * *

And that’s how you end up lying on Terezi’s bed while she leans over you. You realize how terrible a mistake it all is as soon as your back hits the comforter.

You don’t mean to lie so rigidly, but the anticipation of what’s about to happen has you freezing up. Terezi huffs – in annoyance or amusement, you can’t tell – before sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Get over here,” she says, patting her lap.

 _This so fucking weird_ , you think, because it is.

She shushes you.

You must have said that out loud.

Steeling yourself, you scoot over until your head is resting on her lap. Terezi laughs before squeezing your shoulders once. “Relax, Vriska,” she says. “We’ve done this before, remember?”

It takes a little effort, but you manage to stop your muscles from tensing so much. You take a breath, relaxing a little bit, because it’s just Terezi. You’re familiar with her – it’s fine.

She starts by sweeping the mess of hair away from your face. Terezi has her head facing toward the wall, so you have free range to stare up at her without feeling too weird about it.

She feels around at your hairline before tracing the shape of your face carefully. Her touch on your jaw isn’t as soft as it is cautious, but it has your breath stuttering all the same.

Terezi brings her hands back up, and when her fingers touch the soft skin behind your ears, a huff of laughter gets stuck in your throat.

“I forgot you were ticklish there,” she says apologetically, but the small smile playing at her lips lets you know that she’s full of shit.

You watch her look of concentration for a few long moments before you allow your own eyes to drift shut. You feel her fingers at the edges of your eyebrows shortly after, and she briefly pressed her thumbs to your eyelids before continuing her exploration downward.

It’s not as sexy as you thought it would be. Terezi squeezing your nose is mostly just weird – though when gets down to your lips, it’s a little intense – you won’t deny that. The intimacy of it has something swelling in your chest.

And then Terezi ruins it by sticking a finger up your nose. Her laughter shakes your entire body.

You don’t know what you expected.

* * *

Okay, so. You have a problem.

You have really gay feelings for the problem and the problem’s name is Terezi Pyrope.

You established that Terezi’s hot. You’ve already realized it, acknowledged it, and moved on. It’s become background noise – until she does something that catches your attention of course, but that’s not the point. You could ultimately handle Terezi being hot, even if it was torture, because tons of people are hot. You’re hot. It’s not that big of a deal.

 _Feelings_ are a big deal. You don’t know what to do with those, especially when the subject of those feelings is living under the very same roof as you. Especially when the subject does shit like drape herself over you while you’re trying to watch a movie.

“Do you ever wash your hair?” Terezi asks you, lips curled up in something like disgust as she runs her fingers through it.

You manage to roll your eyes, even though your heart feels like it’s going to beat its way out of your chest. That would be a mess.

You don’t want to say anything that might scare her off, but there’s something you want to ask her about. Moments like these – ones where you’re just hanging out, both of you relatively relaxed – used to be fairly common. In fact, up until recently, they were frequent. Up until recently, you didn’t have much reason to be concerned.

In a turn of events that can only be explained by your absolutely shitty luck, you think that _feelings_ may be the least of your worries.

You know Terezi. You know what music she likes, her favorite flavor of ice cream, what her goals and aspirations are. You know that Terezi follows a schedule.

Terezi has not been following that schedule. She comes home from school hours later than she normally does. Not only that, but she seems to be growing more exhausted each day. Every time you question her, she makes some excuse about how finals are coming up.

You’d be more convinced if it weren’t for all the time she spends in her room, talking on the phone to someone in hushed tones.

You think you know what’s going on – you’re not stupid. You’re mostly hurt that she didn’t tell you.

The remote is just barely out of your reach, but you manage to turn down the TV without disturbing Terezi too much. She looks up at you curiously, and you swallow down a stupid surge of _something_. You kind of feel like shit.

“Is it Dave?” you ask. And then, before she can say anything, “Just tell me that it isn’t Karkat.”

She’s silent for a moment. “What are you talking about?” she asks eventually.

“Whoever you’ve been talking on the phone with,” you elaborate, failing to stop the jealousy that spills into your words. “Whoever you’ve been out late with. Is it Dave? Are you dating him?”

Terezi sits upright. “What? No,” she says. “God, no. He has some weird thing with Karkat.”

That has you stopping short – because what the fuck – but you shake your head to clear your thoughts. You need to be focusing on Terezi right now.

“Then who?” you ask. If Terezi were anyone else, you’d be busy minding your own damn business right about now. But there’s a bad feeling in your gut, and you’re pretty sure it has to do with more than just jealousy. You need to make sure that she’s not getting into any shit that she can’t handle. Not without you there, at least.

Terezi sighs, running her fingers through her hair – and that’s when you see it. She’s wearing a crewneck shirt, but her movements expose part of her collarbone to you for the briefest moment. Before she can react, you dart your hand out and pull the collar down, exposing her shoulder in the process.

She jerks back, but not before you saw the discoloration of a bruise spanning across her collarbone and most of shoulder.

“It’s nothing,” she says, before you can even push a question past your lips. You stand up at the same time she does.

“What the fuck, Terezi?” you question, eyes widening.

“It’s nothing,” she says again. Her face is carefully blank.

You shove your hands in your pockets in an effort to stop their shaking. You are going to _kill_ someone. “Who did that to you?”

“I can handle it myself,” she says.

She starts to walk off, but you stop her with a hand around her wrist. “Wait,” you hiss. “Wait just a goddamn second. How long have we been friends? Let me help you.”

She shrugs you off.

“I don’t need your help,” she says, and you watch her walk out of sight. You see red.

Her bedroom door slams shut, and you make no move to follow – instead, you pull your shoes on and walk straight out the door.

You feel the anger everywhere – in your stomach, in your throat, behind your eyes. If Terezi wants to let someone beat the shit out of her, you’re not going to stop her.

* * *

You’re a goddamn liar.

It’s been a little over two hours since you made your resolution to let Terezi deal with her own shit. You had come back to the apartment after only an hour had passed. She was gone, and for a moment you felt relief, because it meant that you don’t have to deal with her – but then you remembered why you were fighting in the first place. It may be the weekend, but it’s still late, and you’re so worried that you think you might throw up or something.

You have a very limited amount of contacts in your phone. It usually results in more peace than problems, but this is not a usual type of circumstance. You need help. Terezi needs help.

You should probably call a professional or some shit, but you feel like Terezi would hate you forever.

You know who you want to call. You’ve been staring at the number for the last ten minutes, deciding if it’s truly worth it. All you need to do is remember the bruise marring Terezi’s skin to remind you that it is.

You call the number.

* * *

It takes some mild pleading to get her to show up at your door – it’s past any decent hour – but once she does show up, you can’t help but think that God has been playing some cruel, strung-out joke on you since the day you were born.

“You’ve got to be fucking with me,” you say simply, because there isn’t much else you can do.

“May I remind you that you said this is urgent,” Kanaya says, looking uncomfortable, “And that you needed my ‘smart brain.’”

You stare at her before side eyeing the other girl at your door. She’s shorter than Kanaya by more than a head, which is something you couldn’t tell while you were stalking her on Facebook. “That doesn’t explain why you decided to bring your girlfriend along for the ride,” you say.

“Rose is just as smart as I am,” Kanaya says. “She may even be smarter.”

“That’s debatable,” Rose says, and you debate slamming the door in both of their faces. It did take a lot of effort to get Kanaya over here though, so you let them inside instead of doing anything too drastic.

You never brought Kanaya home to your apartment for several reasons, one being that it’s kind of a shithole. It’s spacious enough, you guess, but you don’t do much cleaning because you have better things to be doing with your life. Like not cleaning, for example.

You don’t think that Kanaya understands your philosophy, because when her gaze sweeps over the coffee table that’s littered with empty Monster cans, there’s mild horror in her eyes. Rose just hums, like this is exactly what she expected. You sigh, biting back the unnecessary insult that’s on the tip of your tongue.

“Is there somewhere we can…sit?” Kanaya asks, looking pointedly at the couch. You step back and sweep your arm out lazily.

“I’d say that you have interesting tastes, Kanaya,” Rose stage whispers on her way to the couch, “But I’m not sure what that would imply about me.”

Kanaya – probably because you’re standing right there – doesn’t respond to that. You don’t have the same reservations.

You come to stand in front of the couch. “Kanaya and I dated for less than a month,” you say, rolling your eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

Rose raises an eyebrow. “Clearly,” she says. “I’d worry about her, otherwise.”

“I just need her help,” you say, trying not to sound too desperate. You’ve texted Terezi a dozen times, and she hasn’t responded to a single message.

“I’d be happy to help you, Vriska,” Kanaya says, folding her hands in her lap. “I would just appreciate it if you two wouldn’t talk about me as if I’m not here.”

That has Rose looking a little guilty, but _guilt_ isn’t really an emotion that you have time for right now.

“Yeah, okay,” you say. “Now tell me what to do.”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do,” Kanaya says, “But I will try to help.”

“Alright, fine,” you say, “Whatever. Help me, then.” Your impatience is starting to get the better of you, and it’s pretty damn obvious.

“You should probably start by telling us what’s wrong,” Rose advises.

“I told Kanaya on the phone,” you snap.

“You were talking rather fast,” Kanaya says, placating you easily enough. “I didn’t catch most of it. You said that Terezi has a bruise?”

“Yeah, you could say that.” You spread your hand across your collarbone to demonstrate its size. “It’s fucking huge.”

“Do you know what happened?” Kanaya asks you.

“I told you, I don’t know!” you answer. “She won’t tell me. But she’s been out late, almost every night. I don’t know what she’s been doing.”

They both frown. Rose asks, “Who has she been going out with?”

You huff. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know who your girlfriend’s been going out with?” Rose asks, and you clench your jaw.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” you say.

“I’m sorry,” Rose says, but she doesn’t look it. “Kanaya told me that you spent all your time together talking about her, so I just assumed.”

“I did not phrase it quite like that,” Kanaya says.

“Look,” you say, ignoring the both of them. “Just help me, please. I’m kind of freaking the fuck out.”

“Okay, okay,” Rose says, sobering up quickly. “How long has this been going on?”

“Weeks,” you answer. “At least three.”

“And you have no idea who she’s involved with?” Kanaya questions.

You shake your head. “No,” you say. “I know who she’s friends with – I’ve hung out with some of them. She’s known them all for a while. This is new.”

Kanaya nods. “And you tried talking to her?”

You shift on your feet, crossing your arms. “Kind of,” you say.

Rose pounces on your hesitation. “Kind of?”

“I tried,” you say, “But like I said, she wouldn’t talk to me. I got pissed off and left. When I came back, she was gone.” Your voice breaks a little at the end of your sentence.

“And you don’t know where she might’ve gone,” Rose says.

“No! Jesus fuck, have you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?” you snap.

Kanaya gives you a sharp stare. You exhale heavily, rubbing your face. “Sorry. I just don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t think you can do much of anything until she tells you _something_ ,” Rose muses.

Kanaya hums, meeting your eyes. “You think someone is hurting her?” she asks, and you nod.

“If we figure out who it is, we can file a police report,” Kanaya says.

“Or,” you suggest, “I could fucking kill them.”

“I don’t believe that we should do anything without speaking to Terezi first,” Rose says to Kanaya. “Terezi has to want things to change.”

“Alright, Psych Major, I got it,” you spit out, recapturing their attention. “But if someone’s hurting her, I’m not going to let it keep happing.”

“I’m not quite sure what you expect us to do, Vriska,” Kanaya says. You’re not quite sure either. “It seems that you may have called us without thinking.”

She’s not wrong, but you can’t imagine waiting any longer to do something. You may have just found evidence of Terezi’s problem, but you really can’t be sure how long it’s been going on. Sending Rose and Kanaya home and giving up for the night feels an awful lot like quitting.

“Help me talk to her,” you say eventually.

Kanaya and Rose exchange a quick glance. “I’m not sure if that’s wise,” Kanaya says. “We don’t know Terezi as well as you do.”

“We don’t know her at all, actually,” Rose says.

Kanaya nods. “I don’t know if we’ll be much help.”

“I don’t know either,” you say. “But I’m just going to end up getting pissed off again. I need other people there to calm me down.” Your shoulders sag, adding, “And maybe talk some sense into Terezi.” You don’t know if you’ll be able to do it by yourself.

“You’d like us to be your impulse control,” Rose says, and it sounds pretty stupid when she puts it like that.

“Are you going to help me or not?” you ask. You can see the reluctance in both of their eyes, but at the same time, you know you’ve got them.

* * *

You don’t have to wait long before Terezi shows up, but it’s still nearing two in the morning when she stumbles through the door.

“She _is_ blind,” Rose observes, and you want to throttle her.

Terezi stills at the unfamiliar voice. “Vriska?” she calls, and you’re by her side in a second.

“Are you alright?” you ask, and she frowns at you.

“Yeah,” she answers, head tilting like she’s trying to listen for something.

“Who’s here?” she asks, at the same time you ask, “Where were you?”

You glance back at Rose and Kanaya, who are both sitting there awkwardly. You’d feel kind of bad for dragging them into this – if you weren’t so unconfident in your ability to deal with this situation, that is.

You lower your voice and repeat your question. Terezi purses her lips. 

“I went out,” she says quietly, seemingly shrinking into herself. You’re not sure what to do with yourself, so you shift until you’re blocking her from Rose and Kanaya’s view. “I needed to clear my head.”

“Why didn’t answer any of my texts?” you ask. Despite your efforts, some anger slips into your voice.

She angles her head down to the floor, and you clear your throat. “Sorry,” you say.

“I turned off my phone,” Terezi tells you.

You want to ask her why she thought that would be a good idea, but you bite the question back. You’re not going to get anywhere if you keep being an asshole about this.

“Who’s here?” she asks you again.

Rose and Kanaya take that as their cue to get off the couch. It’s two and the morning, and you’re crowded by the door to your apartment with your ex, her girlfriend, and the girl you have a painfully inconvenient crush on.

You belatedly remember to answer Terezi’s question. “Kanaya’s here,” you say. “And her girlfriend.”

“I do have a name,” Rose says.

You roll your eyes. “Kanaya and Rose,” you amend. 

Terezi raises both her eyebrows at you. “Why are they here?”

“I asked them to come,” you answer, trailing off into silence. You didn’t really expect to get this far.

“Vriska!” Terezi starts, and you know that she’s about to say something ridiculous. “Were you planning on having a threesome without me?”

“I believe if you were included it would have to be classified as an orgy,” Rose says.

You might have found this entire situation hilarious if you didn’t have a splitting headache. Kanaya looks like she’s in the same boat.

“They’re _supposed_ to be here to help,” you say, and Terezi hums.

“With?” she asks.

“With whoever gave you that bruise,” you say. “You tell me.”

Terezi makes like she’s going to walk right back out the door, so you move in front of her and block her path.

“Move,” she says.

“Please, Terezi,” you say. “Just talk with us.”

Her mouth draws into a flat line, and you swallow. “I’m getting really fucking tired of begging,” you say. “I just want to help.”

All the fight seems to go out of her at once. You should really take it as a good sign, but instead it just makes you more worried.

You really hate being worried. It’s not your style, and it’s not fun. You decide that after all this is over, you’re never going to worry about anything ever again.

Terezi lets you sit her down. Rose and Kanaya remain hovering by the door, heads bowed as they hold a whispered conversation. You take a quick glance at Terezi before walking back to meet them.

“I’ll take it from here,” you say.

“You wouldn’t like our help?” Kanaya asks, and you shake your head. You’re not going to make Terezi talk about whatever she needs to talk about in front of strangers – you don’t know why you thought that’d be a good idea in the first place.

“Sorry for making you come out here for nothing,” you say. “I kind of freaked out.”

“It was understandable of you,” Kanaya says. She glances worriedly in Terezi’s direction before saying, “Call us if you needed anything.” Apparently Terezi’s state helped her understand why you feel so strongly about this shit.

You bow your head down in mild embarrassment, scratching at the side of your face. “Thanks,” you say.

Rose laces their hands together, giving you a nod before they leave. You stare at the door for a few moments, turning around only after you’ve braced yourself.

Terezi’s still where you left her on the couch, but you don’t really know where to start. You spend a couple of minutes pacing in front of her before she breaks the silence.  

“Gamzee,” she says.

“What?”

“That’s the name of the guy who gave me the bruise.”

You stop your pacing. “Who the fuck is that?

“Sit down, Vriska,” she says tiredly. You hesitate before sitting down next to her, and she leans into you with a sigh.

“He was one of Karkat’s friends,” she tells you.

You don’t pause before you say, “I’m gonna kill both of them.”

“You’re not going to kill anyone, Vriska,” Terezi says, and you go silent.

“I’ve been seeing him for a while,” she admits. “The pushing me around thing is new.”

You forward and rest your elbows on your knees, so Terezi is forced to sit up. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you ask.

“I was going to,” she says, “After it was over. I thought I could handle it myself.”

You swallow. “And you couldn’t?”

“I tried,” she says. “That’s how the whole–” she gestures to her collarbone, where the material of her shirt hides the bruise you know is there. “That’s how that happened.”

You’re quiet for a while, taking the time to absorb the information. You can’t believe this is the first you’re finding out about this.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” you ask. Your arm tentatively travels the distance to rest around her shoulders, and she allows you to pull her close as you sink back into the couch.

She nods against your chest. “Sorry,” she says.

“Knock that shit off, ‘Rezi,” you huff. “Just don’t do it again.”

She’s silent for a moment. Then she says, “I went to the police station tonight and told them what happened. An officer took my statement, and that was it.”

“What do you think’s going to happen?”

“I have no idea,” she says.

A thought occurs to you, and you tighten your grip around her. “What if he comes around here looking for you?” you ask. “Can I kill him then?”

Terezi lets out a breathy chuckle. “He doesn’t know where we live,” she says. “I made sure to make Karkat promise not to tell him if he comes asking.”

Of course she did. “That was smart of you,” you say, tapping her forehead with your finger. She squirms.

You both relapse into silence once more. Terezi is breathing calmly into your neck, and you just hold her. It feels nice.

“I’m really fucking tired,” you say.

She only hums in response. You try to angle your neck down in an attempt to see her face, but you’re only partially successful.

“Are you really going to fall asleep on me?” you ask, like you’re annoyed about it.

“I’m thinking about it,” she says.

You let her.

* * *

The next week is quiet. Terezi goes to class and comes back. She doesn’t stay out late, and you two spend most of your time watching movies and playing video games when you’re not working.

Two police officers come around to ask Terezi some more questions, but she doesn’t hear from Gamzee. You’re glad, because you’re not sure anyone could stop you from stabbing the guy if you saw him.

Right now, you’re both lying on her bed. You’re staring at Terezi while she listens to music. She thinks you’re taking a nap.

Or at least you thought. “Quit staring at me,” she says, sitting up. She removes her earbuds and pokes you in the cheek in one motion.

You snatch her hand before she can react. She squeals as you wrestle her down on the bed, but she only settles against you once she gets her hand back.

She smiles at you. The smile you give her in return is probably dopey as hell, but you don’t give a shit. It’s not like she can see you.

You know you’re getting into dangerous territory, but you don’t really care. Terezi has been there for you nearly your whole life, and by this point you’ve figured out that there’s probably nothing you could do to drive her away.

Terezi closes her eyes, and you decide that you wouldn’t mind taking a nap, actually. You do like sleeping in her bed.

* * *

“Do you remember the time we first met?” Terezi asks you after a while, and you crack your eyes open. You’re both still in the same positon – facing each other, so close that your noses are almost touching.

“Yeah,” you say. “You punched a kid in the face. It was awesome.”

Terezi scoots away from you so she has room to punch you in the shoulder, but then she just scoots right back. “That’s not the first time we met!” she says, and you frown.

“Uh, yeah,” you say, rubbing the spot where her bony knuckles hit home.

“Uh, _no_ ,” Terezi says, mocking you. “We met before that, remember?”

You don’t remember. In fact, you’re half convinced that she’s just fucking with you, but you decide to play along. “When?” you ask.

Her lips curl into a smile, and you watch them with fascination.

“Some kid hid my cane during recess,” she reminds you. “You tried to help me find it.”

“Oh shit,” you say, excited. “Yeah! Man. How did I forget that?”

She snorts. “Maybe because you didn’t actually find it? My mom was so mad.”

“But still,” you say earnestly, “I wanted to help you.”

“That’s true,” she concedes.

You nod. “I’m such a good person,” you say, mostly to yourself.

“Vriska.”

“I am!”

Terezi laughs.

“You can be good,” she admits, smiling, “Sometimes.”

It’s barely a compliment, but your face flushes anyway. You can feel that dopey smile again.

“Vriska,” Terezi starts, hesitating. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Gamzee. I–” She cuts herself off, and it’s rare for her to be so serious. You think that you’re probably one of the only people that has seen her like this.

“I trust you, okay?” she says eventually. “I wasn’t in a good place.”

You nod. “I’m sorry I got mad at you,” you say. “I was just worried about you. I, uh–”

Shit. You’re gonna do it.

“I care about you,” you finish.

She breathes out a laugh, and it brushes across your face. “I’d hope so! We’ve been around each other long enough.”

Unknowingly or not, she’s giving you an out. You’re not going to take it, because you are quite possibly the biggest idiot in the word.

You shift before sitting up, and Terezi follows suit. “No,” you say. “Like – I care about you. A lot. Do you know what I’m saying?” you ask, and from the look on her face, she does.

Heavy silence settles over the room, and you panic. “You don’t have to say anything,” you add quickly. “I know you’ve just been through a lot of shit, and you probably don’t even like girls – or me – but–”

She kisses you. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

“This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” you say against her lips, and it comes out at as a muffled mess.

Then she’s laughing and you’re smiling but you’re still trying to kiss each other. It becomes so ridiculous that you both have to pull away.

“We should probably try that again,” she says, and you grin.

The second kiss lasts much longer than the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up a whole lot longer than I thought it would be, but whatever. Thanks for reading!


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